Happy Spring Equinox......

Oh hello spring, you sexy thing! Now, without causing any offence to her neighbouring seasons (summer, winter, I love you too) isn’t spring just the best? It’s the same feeling I get when autumn swings by, I think it’s the essence of change that really draws me in. New beginnings, new growth, more sunshine, more flowers.... All of these really encapsulate what spring is to me.

So, as I’m sat here with a cup of fresh coffee, taking in the scent of my freshly henna’d hair (more about that later), looking out over the garden to see the sunshine just brushing over the trees and the birds perching on the feeding table, I feel good. Like, really good. I feel calm and that’s something I haven’t been for a while it feels.

I believe it’s a combination of a few things:

Eating well. I’ve significantly upped my plant intake and reduced my meat/by-product intake. I’m becoming more aware of what I put in my body, for I want nutrients and energy, not quick-fixes and sluggishness. I still eat meat occasionally and I’m not quite ready to give up my beloved cheese just yet, but I believe that reducing my intake somewhat is better than not doing anything at all.

Cutting out wheat. This has been a big one. Every Friday I’ve been indulging in the infamous ‘Fat Friday’ butty run at work (well, I can hardly help it since I run the whole thing). Every Friday I’ve felt terrible. Really run down, sluggish, tired, and I put it all down to wheat/gluten. As I've mentioned before, wheat is a big, massive no-no where FODMAPs are concerned (N.b. it's the fructans (carbs) in wheat that are the issue, not the gluten (protein)) and I've mostly been abiding by the no-wheat rule... Just those Fridays are the downfall. 

Getting more sleep. As I’ve been out of the house and cat/house sitting, I’ve been spending less time watching the TV and more time either catching up with the world or just having some quiet time cuddling the cat. You can call it whatever you want really, but it’s helped my sleep patterns a lot.

Mindfulness. I’m due to start my meditation/mindfulness classes officially on Tuesday, but I’m spending a lot more time in the here and now, listening to every sound, watching everything, tasting every bite. When you're taking in every little thing that exists around you, it's incredible. You start to appreciate the little things more, the fact that we are alive and (mostly) healthy.

More light. Equinox literally means ‘equal night’ so that means that at this moment in time, daylight and night time hours are thereabouts equal. As we (Northern Hemisphere) tilt closer and closer to the sun, our daylight hours increase. This is good news for me and others who feel the wrath of the long nights over winter...

... And then maybe it's the fact that on Friday I'll be jumping in my car and driving to the wonderful city of Plymouth where I lived for 3 years during my undergraduate degree, catching up with old best friends, reminiscing about old memories and adventures and creating new ones.

Happy days. 

(Image from Pinterest)

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It doesn't have to be perfect.....

Life isn't always roses; I know this, I appreciate this, and I never expected it to be. I know that there were always going to be good days and bad days and, yes, the latter were always going to form the majority. Life doesn't always follow those little paths that you want it to – sometimes you lose control and you need to put your life in someone else’s hands or seek guidance from others. Asking for help is not weak, nor is it an embarrassment. Everybody needs a little helping hand from time to time.

I find that, in the short-term, it is so easy to look at life through rose-tinted glasses. You wake up in the morning, birds singing the morning song, burst of light from the early sunshine peeping through your curtains, and a day ready to be faced with vigour and strength. Jumping out of the shower into freshly laundered Egyptian cotton towels, a cool breeze making its way through the window, the smell of freshly brewed coffee tantalizing your senses and you feel alive. Coffee sipped, outfit on, your favourite [and most faithful] heels stepped into, hair made, and a classy flash of colour from your favourite red lipstick and you are ready to face the world, smiling to your heart’s content.

I know that, in real life, people rarely lead lives like these. In all honesty, I don’t think I have ever had a morning that started just quite so perfectly. These days I find myself dragging my bum out of bed at about 6am after waking up at 5.40am throwing myself into the shower as a way of simply waking myself up, grabbing for the nearest towel – most definitely not freshly laundered, coffee is fresh but only at the weekend. I'm known for drinking about an inch before running out of the house. My favourite and most faithful shoes are actually my slippers, not a pair of Nine West beauties (which still remain my favourite pair of heels), and doing my hair and applying lipstick? Really? I rush my hair and makeup before work every morning and sit there feeling a right mess!!

Back to the point… That ideology of a ‘perfect morning’ is, in its true essence, a highly romantic view on how a day should start; anybody who expects this day in and day out is going to be sorely disappointed and unfortunately it would just lead to a spiral of unhappiness. What I envy most about people is that for some, putting on your favourite lipstick and greeting the world with a happy smile is the norm – it doesn't have to be a product of the ‘perfect morning’, nor the product of a ‘perfect life’, it is just the way they are and they can naturally see the world through these rose-tinted glasses. It’s something that I have myself perfected over the years and I know this, only people who really know me can see through the cracks but it makes customer-faced jobs a doddle. They assume I'm some hyped up crazy chick, always on the ball, always laughing and giggling and singing. Okay, a lot of that is fact – I am the girl who sings her heart out in work and isn't afraid to make a mockery of herself, but I wasn't always like that, and it’s only now that I can look back and wonder what the trigger point was.

I think I've boiled it down to travelling and stepping way out of my comfort zone.

I used to be the kind of girl where one thing would go wrong and suddenly the day was ruined and nothing could rectify it. I used to be the girl that had a paddy if she didn't tick every item off the list. I used to be the girl that painted on one hell of a smile for work and then felt her world crashing down as soon as she left. It was dreadful, truly dreadful. Instead of taking every little bad thing in my stride and accepting that these things do happen I let each and every single thing get to me. It’s tiring. It’s never ending. It had to stop.

Dolly Parton once said: "the way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain". So, whilst sometimes I experience one of those gale-force 10 storms, I just take a deep breath and let it wash over me. I feel invincible....

With love, xo

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When one door closes, another one opens...

“When one door closes another door opens, but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”

- Alexander Graham Bell

As humans we appear to have an uncanny ability of dwelling on the past and being unable to let go, I've been there. I know. Because of that dwelling, because of that concentration, we often fail to see those new opportunities, those new open doors that may be right in front of our very eyes. As clear as a summer's day. Unfortunately it is a lot easier for us to focus on the negatives - the closed door - than to turn our attention to those better things in life, but there is absolutely no reason to let the past shape your future - after all, you are in charge of your own destiny.

I've been there and, even now writing this, I'm still not 100% convinced that I can practice what I preach. I'm terrible for it, in fact, I dwell on past events like there's no tomorrow. Now, there's no harm in thinking about the past, but as soon as it starts to have an effect on your future - well, that's when things have to change. This is where I've changed.

I've made a lot of mistakes in the past - I mean, who hasn't? We're only human and it is bound to happen. Accepting that it has happened, accepting that there is no changing the past, making a mental note to not make that same mistake again, and then moving forward is key.

I'm no stranger to new changes, new starts, or sudden bursts of optimism where feel I could scream at the top of my lungs, "life begins now". I'm sick of dwelling on the past so I'm ready to pull the plug on that. It's a chilly Saturday afternoon, I've done all of the bits and bobs I needed to do and I'm preparing myself for a night of 'ME' whilst the mother goes off to see a friend. Precious me time is important and I haven't had it for a while... I've got lined up a delicious toasted sesame tofu stirfry, FODMAP and meat free might I add, an ice cold bottle of Leffe, a bubble bath with my wonderful Lush treats, and I couldn't be more excited.

I've got plenty to be thankful for. Yes, I'm possibly not where I want to be in life at the moment. I'd have thought that by 25 (...and a half) I'd have a lot more going for me but it doesn't always work like that, does it? I'm ready to reconnect with the people I've pushed out for various reasons (coping mechanism - I'm guilty for this!), treat my body and mind with the love and respect they deserve, and venture back into the sunshine.

So, here's a big goodbye to the past and worrying about what is going to happen based on those past events because, well, face it, yesterday is old news and why on earth would we want to relive the same old adventure?

[Little Fish ♡]

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We are masters of our own destiny......

“Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien

We all have a very important role to play in life. Our mere existence influences the paths, the choices, what happens, how it happens. Each and every one of us has a purpose - no matter where we came from, what we have done in the past, what we plan to do - we can all make a difference but we all need to believe we can do it. 

You’ll meet people in your life who were sent to test you - your patience, your strength, your courage, and your determination. There is no right and wrong answer with how you deal with such people, but the outcome is shaped by how you respond. For me, I seem to have come across many of these people... Unfortunately. I’ve had people who said I'd never succeed academically, that I was maybe just a ‘D-grade student’ (Biology). I didn’t take to that too lightly, no, instead of letting that defeat me or push me back in the dirt I used this to my advantage. I knew they didn’t know the full story (the back story if you wish, they didn’t know what was going on in my personal life). I used that new found determination and proved them wrong - firstly where the A-Levels were concerned and then up into further education, obtaining my First Class Hons and Distinction for my Masters.

Academia and the obstacles I met along the way aside, I've also have to deal with the sort of people who try to break you down personally. I’ve had the jealous and bitter remarks from girls who have way too much time on their hands and I've had ill-advice from family when I was at my weakest. I somehow found it in myself to look them in the eye and say no to the family, to laugh off the bitterness, and to actually feel flattered that someone could talk about me so much. Honestly, if someone devotes that much time to talk about your existence then don’t feel disheartened, feel flattered.

Follow your dreams - however big, however small. Stuff your rucksack with a million and one clothes you'll probably never wear, arm yourself with a travel guide and enough money to let you live your adventure (although in reality we always come back skint, I’ve just about paid off my Australian adventure and I came back over a year and a half ago!). Stick your nose into those books, endure a little stress, overdose on tea, power on through and prove that YOU can achieve anything. Whether we're looking at this from an academic perspective or a life's-lesson perspective, muster up enough courage and anything is possible.

Remember that we are the masters of our own density, no being can lead our lives and no one should let them influence it either. Remember that you - yes, you - are playing the lead role in life, this is your story from start to finish. Those who say you can't do it, prove to them you can. Stand up to those who think you are weak. Speak out to those who do not believe you. If, at the end of this, they still continue to live their lives in attempt to thrash your dreams, do not let it influence your decisions, merely laugh at their sordid attempts (over a glass of wine of you may, it helps immensely) and take no notice. At the end of the day, whatever they think/ believe/ say does not matter in your life... It has no impact on your present or your future - only your past. If you can let go of the past (or at least grab it by the horns and face up to it) then you've already won the race...

 // Little Fish (in a very big sea), x

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Back to the start...

Well - I think we can all agree on one thing, I'm terrible at keeping my promises. I ventured back into blogging at the end of last year. I felt I was ready to put pen to paper (so to speak) and rekindle that burning desire to write, share, and (I hope!) inspire others. Instead I displayed a popular cancerian characteristic and retreated back into my shell.

I'm ready to change that.

I'm through with backing out at every opportunity, saying no, shying away from experiences that I know will help to build me as a person. I know - and I guess I have known for a while, I just needed to be sure - that I'm ready to be proactive with my life and grasp it by the horns.

I'm going to share my passions in life, the old and the new, the cooking and tasty bakes, the health, the dreams and aspirations.

Looking back on when I used to actively blog, yes I had an awful lot going on in my life with a terrible relationship (who's the sucker who stuck around by the way *hands up!*), a Masters degree I was so close to flunking  (yet managed to spin it around and obtain a Distinction), and an awful lot of dirty washing courtesy of the family (you could open up a laundrette), but I found an awful lot of peace and calm writing in my little blog. I miss that... the sense of calm and definitely not the drama I was escaping... but it isn't too late to start over again.

Much love, as per. Little Fish x

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Sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly, "one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."  ~Hans Christian Andersen

Starting over, that’s something that I’ve mastered over the years. From starting the new school year and buying a new school bag / stationary to get me through the year, to moving my life from one place to another – to university, to Australia, then back to my roots. Whilst I can count the number of blogs I’ve owned on one hand, I know that there’s always something rather symbolic about why I drifted away from the old and into the new – I craved change. From the breakup of a rather destructive and mentally draining relationship, to kick starting a little venture with plenty of tea and cake (okay, and lipstick), and then where I ventured out to chase my dreams on the other side of the world. They’ll always have a little place in my heart, I can’t erase the memories after all, but sometimes it’s best to just pull the plug and start afresh.

I’ve been out of the blogging game for a long time, or so it feels, and with it I feel like I’ve lost a little bit of myself. I know that seems terribly pitiful but for someone who gained a lot from sharing experiences, words of wisdom, and showing off the calorific delights that I produced (in the name of procrastination), to just suddenly stop doing that leaves a bit of an empty hole, something I’m ready to fill again.

So why Little Fish Big Sea? As an aspiring mariney person (insert biologist, ecologist, environmentalist etc) it seemed rather fitting; I’m simply a girl trying to find her place in the big wide world. It seems kind of ironic that I wanted to get lost in blogging again as a means of finding myself, but hey, it works, and it only really became apparent today that I needed to do this. I was taking a walk through the local garden centre – I know, highly exciting Bank Holiday weekend – and I came across the Red Admiral (as pictured above). I haven’t seen many butterflies this year and I know a fair few have passed the same comment, so naturally I stopped to admire. Very carefully I placed my hand down and without coaxing it, the butterfly stepped onto my hand. It was a beautiful moment and from that point onwards I’ve felt different. I have a little more life. A little more sparkle. A little more to give. 

Just like the butterfly, one must go through some change to progress. We are all butterflies waiting to happen.

Rache, xo. 

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